Apps or message boards which are built for the purpose of finding hook-ups have always been populated by a significant number of sex workers. As various sites become more hostile to the advertising of escorting services and to sexual content in general, a new generation of sex workers are using social media to find clients without explicitly stating that is their intention on their profiles.
Grindr attracts queer people (overwhelmingly gay or bi cis men and trans people) who are intending to find clients, whether they’re looking for sugar daddies or to be paid for individual meets at an agreed rate, as well as people who don’t plan to sell sex but will accept offers made by others.
Since Grindr does not technically allow the sale of sex over their platform, and sex is usually sold in a more informal way, some of the safety advice will differ and certain screening methods are not viable to use.
Here, we will break down what it’s like to sell sex over Grindr, how this impacts safety, and why someone might choose to use Grindr for this instead of a traditional escorting website.
Clients Initiating
Compensation for sex over Grindr is often suggested by someone who wants to pay for sex, rather than by someone who seeks to charge for it. This might seem counterintuitive, because it’s an app where people meet each other for free and there doesn’t seem to be a reason to offer money, however Grindr’s internal culture is a little more complicated than that. Certain types of profiles generate large amounts of traffic and demand, whilst others are burdened with always sending the first message and getting few replies.
The kind of person on Grindr who is in high demand is often a young person who shows their face and body, rather than being a faceless profile, who is willing to bottom and is either conventionally attractive or fits into a fetishized category.
Despite what media about queer men might have you believe, there are not endless teenage twinks who are seeking sex with older men. Men who are closeted and use Grindr in secret with no pictures on their profile, or who are well into middle-age or past it, know that they need to provide an incentive for younger people to reliably agree to meet with them.
Once you add in more specific interests, such as those of Grindr users who are chasers (fetishizers of trans people, people of specific races, etc) or who want riskier and rougher sex acts, it becomes less and less likely that they will find a compatible person over the app. Even those who align with their attractions and who share their kinks are likely to have reservations about meeting with them, particularly if they’re sexually inexperienced. Meeting a stranger for sex is scary! It doesn’t get less so, if they’re listing demands and expect to choke or fist you.
Offers of money for sex aren’t made only towards people who have said they are receptive to that sort of arrangement, because Grindr will delete your profile if you advertise that you are looking for clients. This means the offers will be sent out to anyone that the user thinks might accept. The criteria for this is often people who seem vulnerable, who give the impression of not having a lot of money, or the offer may be made to anyone who seems hesitant but does still respond to their initial messages which don’t mention money.
When mitigating the risk with these clients, it is a good idea to try and get a phone number from them. One good excuse for why you want it is to suggest that you find it hard to get to their Grindr messages because you have so many people messaging you. This particular reason has the benefit that it is a common problem – any time I open the app, I get dozens of messages and it can be hard for me to find specific conversations. You can also claim that the app crashes for you or simply say that you find texting easier. If your client has Whatsapp, their profile may include their real name, and even if they don’t you will be able to search their number on client blacklists.
Clients who are the first to make the offer may be used to offering money to people who have not sold sex before or who only do so informally and lack knowledge about safety or laws around sex work. Being informed and self-aware can give you an advantage in avoiding manipulation tactics.
Sex Workers Initiating
Being the person to propose a transaction is riskier than waiting for a client to propose it, because if you suggest paying you for sex to someone and it offends them then they may report your account. Sending out generic copy-paste messages will cause this to happen very quickly, so the suggestion of payment often needs to be worked into a conversation after someone has expressed strong interest. It requires a sales patter that other sex workers are unlikely to need to use, because you’re not being contacted from an advert where someone has already been convinced to pay you for sex.
Clients will be less likely to want to pay by the hour or be familiar with the etiquette around hiring a sex worker, so propositions work better as static numbers. When clients make the first offer, it is easier to add time constraints or haggle over the rate, but it is more difficult to talk someone up from the amount you first state that you will charge.
You also need to be prepared for a large number of rejections. The subset of Grindr users who are willing to pay for sex are not always going to be easy to spot, so you can end up spending a lot of time trying to find someone who will pay you. This is why Grindr works best for people who are prepared to sell sex but do not need to do so consistently, who make arrangements with people they message when they appear to be a viable client, rather than for sex workers who seek to use selling sex as their main source of income.
Proximity
To be somewhat protected from being recognized or stalked, sex workers often see clients in areas which are far away from where we live. Grindr is an app built to connect you with people who are in very close proximity to you, for quick sex, so this is at odds with the typical preferences of sex workers. For this reason, you have to adapt to the platform!
Sex workers with unpredictable schedules can use Grindr’s set-up to their advantage by opening it and messaging with people when they are in locations they want to work from, then continuing those conversations at their leisure once they have already started them. You can go as far as paying for extra features on Grindr to view profiles in chosen areas, picking a region that you would most like to work from.
For those who have insecure housing situations, the ability to find clients in proximity can allow them to make money from selling sex and also find a place in a convenient locations where they can stay briefly or use shower and toilet facilities.
Being Discreet
Having your pictures up on an escorting website means there is a perpetual risk that someone will recognize you, even if you don’t show your face. People have seen my ad when searching for a sex worker to hire and recognized me. It is not a rare occurrence for other sex workers I know, either. A person can cause a lot of harm with that knowledge, such as reporting it to a landlord or outing you to family members.
Your profile on Grindr cannot advertise the sale of sex, so this specific risk becomes negligible. While your profile may be found by others, it is unlikely to be distinguishable from one used by people who are just seeking casual sex. All of the advertising and agreements to sell sex happen in private messages, meaning that only those people will be aware. Unless you happen to message someone you know or will meet in the future and make them an offer, you can keep your work a secret.
Not only is it harder for your family and friends and landlord to find out what you do, but you also escape the risk of having your information given to police by escorting sites themselves. To verify on many escorting sites, they must have your real name and ID, which means that information can be leaked or handed over to government agencies. With the risk of facial recognition, there is also the risk that your escorting pictures will be used to deny you access to countries (like the US) which forbid entry to those who have sold sex.
What Precautions Should You Take When Selling Sex on Grindr?
Don’t use your real name. This is not only a matter of making sure your Grindr name isn’t your legal name, but of ensuring that your name isn’t attached to any other contact information you give out. If you give anyone your phone number, does your Whatsapp profile include your real name? Is your phone number attached to your Facebook or Twitter account?
Tell someone where you’re going, and let the client know you’ve done so. Having a friend who knows where you are is great, but it won’t be of much help if someone intends to harm you because they will only realize something is wrong after it’s happened or if you go missing. To lower the chances that someone does you certain types of harm, it is a good idea to make the client aware that you have a friend who knows where you are and people who will notice if something bad happens to you. This stops an opportunist from assuming they can get away with violence against you.
Take your payment upfront. If you make the client pay before sex, you avoid the possibility that they will refuse to pay you at the end. It is also less likely that you will get into an argument with the client about money.
Compare the distance in the app to their stated location. Some people will have their location display as being in a different area to where they actually are, so the distances not matching isn’t necessarily nefarious, however it gives you a good indicator as to whether someone is messing with you. If their location says they are 10 miles away but they claim to only be 3 miles from you, it’s possible they’re sending you to an empty building or hotel for their own amusement.
Grindr isn’t built for sex workers, but we’re on it anyway. Don’t think that selling sex over the app doesn’t count because it’s not an escorting site – you’re just as much of a sex worker as anyone else who trades or sells sex!
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