People with ADHD can have a lot of trouble sticking to a schedule or remembering things and juggling tasks. This makes us poorly suited to a lot of different work environments, which do not accommodate us. When we cannot find a job which meets our needs, but still need to pay our bills, we tend to seek out forms of work where we are our own bosses and can work on our own schedule. This leads many of us who have ADHD to try sex work.
Not all types of sex work are well-suited to ADHD, but it is an easier profession to make accommodating than most. It also has no barrier to entry, so people who struggled in school due to neurodivergence need no qualifications to begin.
As with any type of neurodivergence or mental illness, people with ADHD engaging in sex work may be pathologized. Sex work is grouped into the category of risky sexual behaviours, which are considered to be a symptom of many mental disorders including ADHD. This often causes experts to assume that the reason we are selling sex is a lack of impulse control, leading to risky sex, rather than a profession undertaken because other jobs are not accessible.
Here are some of the types of sex work which suit those with ADHD, and the reasons we gravitate towards them:
Managed brothels, though they are often assumed to be one of the most exploitative forms of sex work, are frequently favoured by sex workers with ADHD. They are what people imagine when they think about sex trafficking, with people being forced to sell sex and take clients by a third party inside of a brothel environment, but this is not the experience of most brothel workers. For all their faults, such as sex workers giving a portion of their income to a manager and not having full control over the premises, working in a brothel managed by a third party can allow sex workers to skip the admin and the frustrating work of finding their own clients.
Selling sex from home is another common favourite, as it involves minimal scheduling and allows the sex worker to take last-minute bookings. There is no need to book a hotel, no risk of running late or forgetting to bring supplies, because they are already at home and supplies can be procured well in advance and are impossible not to bring to the booking. There is the added bonus that taking clients becomes an incentive to clean the home. (On a personal note, taking clients at home was one of the only ways I was able to motivate myself to clean my room regularly, after decades of failing to.)
Online sex work has become very common for those with ADHD because it is possible to create video content or take pictures on any schedule, and to advertise it sporadically. This type of sex work pays less per customer by a significant margin, so it is necessary to have a consistent client base to be able to make a living. This is very difficult to do when a person has issues with executive function, so online sex work often only works in short bursts or is used as a side income rather than a main income source.
As with any form of work, people with ADHD can and do still thrive in types of sex work which are not ideally suited to the way their brain works, by developing coping methods and planning tasks in a way which allows us to focus. Personally, I find that using a type of work which naturally fits around my neurodivergence is much easier than having to create accommodations for myself or use coping skills all the time.
Despite the benefits, the difficulties which come with executive dysfunction and difficulty focusing still cause issues for those selling sex or sexual performances online and in-person.
In what ways does ADHD impact sex workers’ experiences?
Though sex work is a profession, rather than a type of impulsive sexual behaviour, it is a profession which provides a setting for potential impulsive behaviour related to sex. The impatience that many of us experience, and our tendency make decisions quickly or else agonize over them for a long time, can lead us to fail to sufficiently vet our clients or discuss matters with them beforehand. We may also become more panicked when we need something, feeling more urgency when it comes to financial need, which pushes us to make riskier choices with accepting questionable clients who others might reject in our same circumstances.
ADHD can often come with RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) which means those with it react more strongly to being criticized or rejected. The stigma which comes with sex work is ever-present, and the effect on it is worse for those who react more to people disliking or criticizing them. In my case this leads to long and pointless arguments with SWERFs against my better judgement, or bouts of depression or frustrated venting when I have heard one too many rude comments about my job from strangers.
Forgetfulness can lead many sex workers to have trouble keeping regular clients, whether that’s because they forget to check their work phone or because they’re so often late to bookings or have to cancel last minute! Sometimes I’ll start a conversation with a potential client, get to the point where all I need to do is confirm a time, become distracted, and hours later find that they’ve gotten frustrated with my lack of response and moved on to someone else. If not for how frequently bookings or plans have slipped my mind, I’d probably have seen twice the number of clients in my life.
Talking down the clock, aka chatting with the client until their booking time runs out, is a skill a lot of sex workers develop over time to try to avoid sex as much as possible. For those who talk excessively and often interrupt and ramble, this comes naturally. Ranting to clients about a particular interest or current plans until the booking time comes out might not be the best plan to keep regular clients sweet, but for those with a niche who will have repeat clients regardless or who see a high volume of clients and aren’t worried about them returning, this is one way that being hyperverbal can be helpful!
Given all these impacts of ADHD on sex work, it’s a wonder it’s not been studied more. Then again, as a population who usually tried to avoid being studied, and who have historically been heavily stigmatized by medical professions, it’s not that surprising that it hasn’t been.
I’d love to know more about how many sex workers with ADHD there really are, because I keep bumping into them or hearing from sex workers whose experiences mirror mine and wondering whether they might benefit from examining this about themselves. Though I wouldn’t go as far as recommending sex work as a career to people who are neurodivergent, I think there’s a benefit for those of us who already know we are to recognize how it impacts our work.
Jack Talks About Sex Work 