What terms should I use for sex workers?

Whichever terms they ask you to.

In all seriousness, the words people prefer to be called when they belong to groups that face a lot of stigma will vary. Sex workers face a lot of hate and many words that were historically used for our profession have also become insults.

If you’re wondering what terms to use when referring to sex workers who engage in prostitution and not me specifically, I suggest that you use terms like “sex worker” and allow the context to make it clear which type of sex workers you’re talking about. If you’re talking about prostitution and say “sex worker”, people will know what you mean. Maybe even “sex workers who engage in prostitution” the first time you explain, for extra clarity?

There’s a lot of stigma surrounding the term prostitute. The stigma surrounding all types of sex work, prostitution especially, means that a lot of the words that have been used to describe us have largely had negative connotations. Those who do not support the rights of sex workers will often call us “prostituted people” to imply with their language that we do not have agency and have this done to us rather than making a choice. Word choice matters, and in this case the society we live in makes it hard to know which words are going to make the best impact.

I like the term prostitute because it conveys what I need it to. People know what I mean when I say prostitute. They understand that it means I have sex with people for money. When I call myself an escort, people often feel the need to clarify that I’m actually exchanging sex for money, and that my job doesn’t consist of solely going on paid dates without sex. This is mostly because they don’t see sex workers as actual people, and when they meet us in person they struggle with the dissonance. It’s also noteworthy that “escort” carries with it an implication of being an independent worker and if that’s not something you want to imply, you’ll likely want to use another word.

Plenty of sex workers use language to imply they are a higher class of escort, for advertising purposes. They may call themselves a “courtesan” or “provider” or literally “high-class escort” – it’s the same kind of branding that all sorts of businesses do, to convince people to pay higher prices. You might see sex workers push back against this kind of language, and argue that these people are positioning themselves as better in the “whorearchy”. Those are valuable conversations to have, within our community, but civvies (non sex workers) involving themselves is not ideal. Whilst you shouldn’t go around calling all sex workers “courtesans”, it’s a bad idea to correct people who call themselves that when you aren’t a part of the community.

Many people in the general public imagine a prostitute to be someone who’s poor, hyper-sexual, uneducated, addicted to drugs. They imagine someone who calls themselves a “courtesan” or “high-end escort” to be a wealthy person who lives a life of luxury off of their clients’ money. I don’t begrudge sex workers who use this branding to earn money, specifically because most are nowhere near as wealthy as they suggest, but I’m not interested in perpetuating this whorephobic distinction in my personal life. When people find out I’m a prostitute, it expands their understanding of what a prostitute is, and that’s the way I want it to be.

We need to break down the stereotypes around sex work without harming those who fit them. I’ve been a homeless sex worker. I’ve been a drug-using one, who worked in a brothel. Now I’m someone who has a full-time job, in a “vanilla” industry who still does sex work, who has a home and a more stable (mostly sober) life. I’m no less of a prostitute now than I was then. Hence, I like using the word prostitute sometimes, to self-describe.

“Whore” is almost always intended to be derogatory when it is used. While I may call myself that to reclaim the word and take it away from people who might use it against me, I wouldn’t use the word in a conversation where someone simply asked what I do for work. It’s used as an insult too often.

I also have issues with calling myself a full-service sex worker, because what does that even mean? Prostitution is defined as engaging in sexual activity for payment. Giving someone a handjob for some cash is prostitution. A handjob isn’t exactly what springs to mind when someone says full-service, is it? If you only offer oral, is that considered full-service? There are plenty of different services that different sex workers offer when they engage in prostitution. To me, the suggestion that there’s some sort of complete or full version of the service a sex worker performs is ridiculous, especially since sex worker is used to describe anyone exchanging sexual services (in person or online or over the phone, of any kind).

Essentially, when you’re talking about a marginalised group, I think it’s a good idea to have a goal in mind with your language use. I’ll call myself a prostitute when someone first asks about my work, because I want to make it clear that I’m selling sex and not disconnect myself from other sex workers. Then, I’ll use the term sex worker for the rest of the conversation. I’ll reclaim language when I feel like it, case by case.

I see sex workers correcting people and telling them not to use the word prostitute, and I don’t argue with them, but if you aren’t a sex worker I’d suggest not involving yourself in those discussions. If someone in your personal life brings up prostitution, and keeps saying prostitute, keep saying “sex worker” when you reply. That’s the only way I can see “prostitute” not being further stigmatised whilst also acknowledging that it is currently an offensive term and not encouraging the usage.