You’ll hear a lot of SWERFs (Sex Worker Exclusionary Radical Feminists) and misogynists call all sex work “paid rape” if you decide to get involved in sex work discussions. People will claim that being paid negates consent, because we wouldn’t be having sex if not for the money. I can counter this by pointing out that all of us have conditions for sex, but that they’re disingenuously making this argument only about money. My consent is not rendered meaningless because of the conditions I do so under. All work is coercive under capitalism, sure, and all actions involving sex or relationships are shaped by misogyny. That doesn’t mean that no-one can “consent” in any meaningful way to sex with a man, just because we live under a patriarchy. In the same way, sex workers can still meaningfully consent under capitalism. We can acknowledge that, and also discuss the coercion that many of us deal with, caused by poverty and also by some clients or managers.
I started selling sex when I was 17 years old. According the UK law, that makes me a victim of a crime automatically. When I reported a rape by a client that occurred when I was 17, the police did nothing, so I feel comfortable saying it’s illegal in name only. Sexual assault isn’t taken seriously by the police, and it especially isn’t taken seriously when it happens to a sex worker.
I sold sex to many people at 17. I was groomed and raped by one of those I sold sex to, who explicitly crossed boundaries I laid out and manipulated me. He continued when I said no, and when I cried, and I developed PTSD. To compare that rape to all the other times I sold sex when I was 17 is ridiculous to me. I look back fondly on a couple of the clients I had at that age, who gave me large sums of money for relatively little work at a time where I needed it.
This isn’t about the ethics of those clients purchasing sex from me. It’s fucked up that they paid a teenager for sex. It’s fucked up that they sought me out, when I was young enough to be their child (or grandchild, in a few cases), and it’s disgusting that many of them did so because I was easy to manipulate. None of that means I didn’t make an active choice to sell sex, outside of the times I was assaulted. The age of consent in the UK is 16 and I’d had sex several times by the time I started selling it without those instances being treated as assault. The second I did so for money, it became a criminal offence (that’s rarely enforced) and I was called a victim.
A friend’s mother threatened to “report” me to social services, for selling sex at that age. She threatened it because I had a fight with her daughter, which ended in her daughter vindictively telling her about my involvement in prostitution. That report, if she’d followed through on the threat, would have ruined my life further. I was fragile, terrified of police, and desperately trying to get by. A police case would have cut off my income, and sent me out onto the street. I had no money, and had just been given council housing. I would have lost it, if the government providing me benefits had been told that I was receiving income, which was not permitted whilst on benefits. Even though those benefits were not enough to live on.
What teenagers involved in sex work need is not “rescue”, in the same way we don’t as adults. They need money. They need therapy. They need stable housing and a support network. Taking away sex work as an option doesn’t help them, it throws them into poverty. When I chose sex work over extreme poverty, I did so because it was the better option. Why would you leave me with only my worst?
It’s uncomfortable, to admit that teens will do this. Even more so to realise that you can’t swoop in and save them. If you want to help, offer money and support. Donate to sex worker organisations. Going around just telling teenagers to stop is self-righteous bullshit, no matter how well-meaning you are.
Included below are some pictures of me, from the year I was 17 years old, when I was participating in sex work. The second image is of me, on a train home after a three-hour booking. The third is from just prior to a booking. It makes me uncomfortable to see these images, where I look like barely more than a child and I’m dressed so sexually (it also makes me uncomfortable for dysphoria reasons, but that’s a whole other issue).
It should make you uncomfortable to think about, too. I include these in the hopes that people will realise there isn’t an obvious look to all teens involved in sex work. I also hope to stress that the reaction most of us have, as adults, to think of a child in that situation and want to protect them and whisk them away isn’t productive. We need to change material conditions and not place blame on teens for the actions they must undertake to survive, or expect that they will be grateful when you keep them from their source of income.
Jack Talks About Sex Work 